Polite People Won't Say This, But I Will – Part 2

Most people don't actually want advice. They want permission.

You've seen it. Someone lays out their whole situation the toxic job, the relationship that's clearly done, the business idea they've talked about for three years — and then asks, "What do you think I should do?"

You tell them. Clearly. Kindly. Honestly.

And they nod, say "yeah, you're so right," and then... do exactly what they were already doing.

That's not a request for advice. That's a request for a witness.

Here's the part polite people won't say: most people already know the answer. They knew it before they asked you. What they wanted wasn't clarity — they wanted someone to agree with the decision they were too scared to own alone.

There's nothing wrong with needing that. Humans aren't purely rational; we want company in our choices, especially hard ones. But calling it "asking for advice" is where the dishonesty creeps in. It sets up an exchange that was never real. You give real thought. They give the appearance of listening. Nobody said what was actually happening.

And then - this is the part that stings - when things don't work out, the story quietly changes. It's rarely "I heard the advice and chose not to take it." It's "nobody warned me" or "I didn't know it would go like this." The advice gets erased from the record, because admitting you heard it and ignored it means admitting the outcome was a choice, not a misfortune.

This isn't a call to stop giving advice, or to get bitter every time someone doesn't take yours. People are allowed to move at their own pace, arrive at things in their own time, even ignore good counsel entirely. That's their right.

What you're allowed to do is stop mistaking their question for an actual invitation to be honest. Notice who asks and listens versus who asks and performs. Save your real thinking the kind that costs you time and care for the people who can actually hold it.

You're not required to keep handing out sincerity to people using you as a sounding board for a decision they already made.

Give the advice if you want to. Just don't be surprised when it was never really about the advice at all.

This is Part 2 of a series where I'll keep saying the things polite people usually avoid.